- Mike's shoe
- the vacuum cleaner cord
- the rug
- a facecloth
- some bedding
- Susan's slipper
- the starter cord on the lawn mower
- a bag of peat moss
- a newspaper
- the shoelaces on Susan's sneakers
- the shoelace on Mike's sneaker
- a garden hose
- a juice jug
- a towel
- Susan's favorite sweatshirt
- a sock
- a microwaveable heating bag
- her leg
- Grommet
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Spit Valves
I recently had the opportunity to sing a concert with San Francisco Choral Artists and The Wholy Noyse. The Whole Noyse is a renaissance wind ensemble, and I enjoyed hearing them play recorders, shawms, kurtles, and sackbutts.
The Sackbutt, or trombone, that was played during the renaissance, is very similar to a modern trombone. Like modern trombones, it came in alto, tenor, bass and contra-bass versions. Pitches are changed by moving a slide. A few improvements have been made - like changing the inner tubing bore, the flair of the bell, and the location of the bell flare. Modern trombones sound brighter and louder, and are a solo or orchestral instrument; renaissance trombones were designed to accompany the very first musical instrument, the human voice.
One marked improvement in today's modern trombones is the spit valve. Sackbutt players must remove the slide to empty the 'water' from the instruments. Modern players simply push the valve open, and the water dribbles out onto the floor (perhaps the best reason never to eat anything that has fallen on the floor in a music room). The spit valve also allows players to perform longer passages without major discombobulation of their instruments and upset to other nearby players, conductors, and the audience.
So who invented this modern convenience? Certainly, such a noteable addition was hailed as a major improvement by players. Perhaps Mr. S. Valve was given the keys to a city, or heralded as the brass player's best friend in the latest broadside of 'Sackbutt Players' Monthly'.
Alas, history has lost the name of this great inventor. Like so many innovators, he (or she) was lost in the annuals of time, no doubt crowded out by the next new and exciting invention.
Take time today to raise your glass....full of water....to the spit valve inventor.
The Sackbutt, or trombone, that was played during the renaissance, is very similar to a modern trombone. Like modern trombones, it came in alto, tenor, bass and contra-bass versions. Pitches are changed by moving a slide. A few improvements have been made - like changing the inner tubing bore, the flair of the bell, and the location of the bell flare. Modern trombones sound brighter and louder, and are a solo or orchestral instrument; renaissance trombones were designed to accompany the very first musical instrument, the human voice.
One marked improvement in today's modern trombones is the spit valve. Sackbutt players must remove the slide to empty the 'water' from the instruments. Modern players simply push the valve open, and the water dribbles out onto the floor (perhaps the best reason never to eat anything that has fallen on the floor in a music room). The spit valve also allows players to perform longer passages without major discombobulation of their instruments and upset to other nearby players, conductors, and the audience.
So who invented this modern convenience? Certainly, such a noteable addition was hailed as a major improvement by players. Perhaps Mr. S. Valve was given the keys to a city, or heralded as the brass player's best friend in the latest broadside of 'Sackbutt Players' Monthly'.
Alas, history has lost the name of this great inventor. Like so many innovators, he (or she) was lost in the annuals of time, no doubt crowded out by the next new and exciting invention.
Take time today to raise your glass....full of water....to the spit valve inventor.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Annie the Bully takes Pierce household by storm!
Interviewer: I'd like to take a moment to welcome Annie to our program tonight. Annie is the new dog on the block, currently residing in the Pierce household, where she recently proved herself and her bullying skills despite her small size. Welcome, Annie!
Annie: Thank you.
I: Tell us a bit about yourself.
A: Of course. I came to the Pierce household about 3 weeks ago from the Pinole Animal Shelter. Although I was covered with grease and dirt from my life on the streets, I managed to project a calm and shy personality, cleverly concealing my true nature, so that Ms. Pierce would be convinced to free me from the confines of a small holding cell. As I gently licked her hand, I could see that she was an easy target. From that point, it was a simple task to convince her to take me home.
I: Do you have any comments on life in jail?
A: It's a period of my life that I'd rather not discuss.
I: I understand. So, you convinced Ms. Pierce to take you home.
A: Yes. Though it was a few days and some pretty stressful medical procedures later, Ms. Pierce finally liberated me and brought me to my new domain - her house and backyard. Of course, it wasn't as easy as it seemed at first.
I: You met your first target, Grommet.
A: That's right. Once home, I was confronted with Grommet, the resident pooch. He couldn't leave me alone. It was obvious the poor old guy was smitten with my girlish charm. Naturally, I used that to my advantage.
I: And did things improve at that point?
A: For a couple of weeks things were great. Daily walks, training my owner to reward me with regular treats for doing menial tasks, pretty much having the run of the house and yard.
I: Then what happened?
A: One day the Pierces were gone for an hour or so. When they got back, they brought a hideous giant slobbering monster with them. It was horrible.
I: A monster?
A: Yes. They fawned over him and called him 'Buddy'. He was easily four times my size with great big jaws and long trailing hair. He had no sense of personal space and lumbered across the yard like a semi.
I: How did you react?
A: I'll admit that at first I was overcome. I'd never seen anything like this before. He came onto my turf like he owned it. Later, talking with Grommet, I came to learn that this 'Buddy' had come to visit before. Grommet seemed to have no trouble, even welcoming Buddy. Poor dog, he's been living with humans too long.
I: So what did you do?
A: I knew that there could only be one approach with a monster like this: a full on assault. I took advantage of Buddy's lack of agility and his complete and utter trusting nature. I attacked.
I: You attacked a monster four times your own size?
A: When you've lived on the streets like I have, you soon learn that it is eat or be eaten. I wasn't going to end up as dinner for a slobbering hairy mass. So, I started off by warning him. Simple growls, that kind of thing. But he just didn't get it. I guess his gait wasn't the only thing that was slow. Hey, those weren't growls of friendship, y'know? Anyway, since growls didn't work, I escalated the attack, adding biting and jumping.
I: At what point did Buddy get the message?
A: It didn't take long. I soon had him lumbering back to the house with his fluffly tail between his skinny hind legs. I put him in his place. Turns out that he only stayed in my territory for a few more days. Guess he couldn't take the heat.
I: Do you have any plans in case he returns?
A: Well, I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. But at this time, I can't reveal what they are.
I: Annie, thanks for taking the time to interview with us today. Any closing remarks?
A: Yeah. Buddy, if you're listening, take note. Next time I won't be so nice.
Annie: Thank you.
I: Tell us a bit about yourself.
A: Of course. I came to the Pierce household about 3 weeks ago from the Pinole Animal Shelter. Although I was covered with grease and dirt from my life on the streets, I managed to project a calm and shy personality, cleverly concealing my true nature, so that Ms. Pierce would be convinced to free me from the confines of a small holding cell. As I gently licked her hand, I could see that she was an easy target. From that point, it was a simple task to convince her to take me home.
I: Do you have any comments on life in jail?
A: It's a period of my life that I'd rather not discuss.
I: I understand. So, you convinced Ms. Pierce to take you home.
A: Yes. Though it was a few days and some pretty stressful medical procedures later, Ms. Pierce finally liberated me and brought me to my new domain - her house and backyard. Of course, it wasn't as easy as it seemed at first.
I: You met your first target, Grommet.
A: That's right. Once home, I was confronted with Grommet, the resident pooch. He couldn't leave me alone. It was obvious the poor old guy was smitten with my girlish charm. Naturally, I used that to my advantage.
I: And did things improve at that point?
A: For a couple of weeks things were great. Daily walks, training my owner to reward me with regular treats for doing menial tasks, pretty much having the run of the house and yard.
I: Then what happened?
A: One day the Pierces were gone for an hour or so. When they got back, they brought a hideous giant slobbering monster with them. It was horrible.
I: A monster?
A: Yes. They fawned over him and called him 'Buddy'. He was easily four times my size with great big jaws and long trailing hair. He had no sense of personal space and lumbered across the yard like a semi.
I: How did you react?
A: I'll admit that at first I was overcome. I'd never seen anything like this before. He came onto my turf like he owned it. Later, talking with Grommet, I came to learn that this 'Buddy' had come to visit before. Grommet seemed to have no trouble, even welcoming Buddy. Poor dog, he's been living with humans too long.
I: So what did you do?
A: I knew that there could only be one approach with a monster like this: a full on assault. I took advantage of Buddy's lack of agility and his complete and utter trusting nature. I attacked.
I: You attacked a monster four times your own size?
A: When you've lived on the streets like I have, you soon learn that it is eat or be eaten. I wasn't going to end up as dinner for a slobbering hairy mass. So, I started off by warning him. Simple growls, that kind of thing. But he just didn't get it. I guess his gait wasn't the only thing that was slow. Hey, those weren't growls of friendship, y'know? Anyway, since growls didn't work, I escalated the attack, adding biting and jumping.
I: At what point did Buddy get the message?
A: It didn't take long. I soon had him lumbering back to the house with his fluffly tail between his skinny hind legs. I put him in his place. Turns out that he only stayed in my territory for a few more days. Guess he couldn't take the heat.
I: Do you have any plans in case he returns?
A: Well, I have a few more tricks up my sleeve. But at this time, I can't reveal what they are.
I: Annie, thanks for taking the time to interview with us today. Any closing remarks?
A: Yeah. Buddy, if you're listening, take note. Next time I won't be so nice.
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